· zen bride

Weddings can easily be one of the most stressful life events one can go through. Ironic, since this is supposed to be one of (if not the) most magical day in one's life. But fact is, there are lots of stressful situations that come up - from the preparation leading up to the wedding day to the actual day of the celebration.

It's a shame, if you've ever experienced this, because when you look back, things that caused you stress in preparing for your wedding are insanely minute in the bigger scheme of things. I'm always looking out for y'all brides out there so today, I'm giving you a my top 10 tips for a more zenful and not stressful wedding prep - and it all starts with being a Mindful Bride.

Tip # 1: It all boils down to the two of you

If you distilled the true meaning of this event, you'll find that it all boils down to the two of you - you and your soon-to-be spouse. Forget the dress, forget the rings, forget the party, forget even the guests. It's about the two of you forging a lifelong commitment to stay together for better or for worse. That's one hell of a fucking promise. Forget the 'for better' part, that's easy. But the 'for worse' part has a whole spectrum of realities. And you're promising to stick it out through all of it. So whatever hiccups you may experience with everything else (haven't finalized the cake, the flowers don't look right, you don't have something blue, and so on...), they are small (in extremely small caps) compared to the real meaning of what this day's about.

Tip # 2: Consider your partner

It's usually the bride who's in charge of everything (not in all cases though, I've met grooms who've been in charge). You take care of the guest list, book the venue, hire the photographer, pick the centerpieces and so on, you get the picture. You can easily get your head way in the whirlwind of activities. I get it, you just want to get everything done, get as much as you can checked off your list...but it is important for you to pause before jumping in to consider what your partner feels about whatever it is you're about to make a decision on. Of course, you're not going to ask him each and every detail like what scent the candles are going to be in on the centerpieces, the color for the napkins, what flowers to put in your bouquet. Take this advice along with good 'ol common sense and how well you know your partner's preferences. For example, you might already know that he doesn't care for cake, so you can skip asking him his opinion on that. Instead, maybe ask him what he would like for dessert and incorporate it in the dessert bar. Think big picture. Or ask him about the kind of suit he'll be comfortable in. What poses are a no-no, so you can advise the photographer to allow your partner to be at ease during the photoshoot. Essentially, think about how he will enjoy the day as well because... (see Tip # 1).

Tip # 3: Practice gratitude

It can be in the form of a gratitude meditation or gratitude journal. Done daily would be great. But don't kick yourself if you aren't able to, at least do it a couple times each week before you tackle some wedding to do's. There are so many things to be thankful for, including:

- your partner

- your financial ability to throw this party

- your friends & family who are helping you out in the preparations

- the people who will be joining you in this celebration

- the excitement as the day gets closer

- the things you've already taken care of

- the opportunity to profess your vows in front all the people you guys care about

- the opportunity to have fun in the planning stages

Tip # 4: Remove everything that causes stress

For this, you have to be ruthless (in eliminating, not by being mean). It can be a person or a decision that is taking forever. Remember Tip # 1 - it essentially boils down to the two of you. All the other details are small in comparison. Be it the cake, the catered food, or even the dress - you, in your heart, already know what you want. Sometimes it's because a gazillion options are in front of you that causes confusion and stress. Don't allow yourself to be trapped in that hole. Imagine yourself as a child, if you asked yourself 'What cake would you like?' or 'Between these 2 dresses, which one would you pick?' - your 4 year old self wouldn't hesitate for a second making a decision. Channel that inner child.

As for people, there are occasions when you'll have that one person who kind of just self nominated themselves as the leader of the wedding committee. Recognize that this is great help - weddings can be a labyrinth of decisions (and indecisions) - and it can be a relief to have someone manning the wheel and organizing who's doing what and providing status updates on things. But when that person starts to stress you (and everyone else) out, it's time for a heart to heart. Start by kindly letting them know how much you appreciate their help but gently (yet clearly) let them know that you're in a good place (prep wise) and that texting you at 1 o'clock in the morning doesn't help the boat move an inch closer to the finish line. Let them know you need them to relax because you want them to be at their finest on the day of. If this doesn't work, assign someone else (preferably a calmer one) to work alongside them to take some of the load off them and ease their burden a bit.

Hope these help you in the path to becoming a Mindful Bride. A Mindful Bride online course is in the works which to launch soon. I hope you join me as we go in depth on how to make your wedding more zenful and less stressful. Make sure you subscribe below to be on the loop when I announce it.

Hugs,

Marge

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